Engaging Children in Group Ritual Practice
First of all, we cannot escape the folkish element of heathenry and their push to breed to expand heathenry. This seems to cause pushback in inclusive heathenry, where people and groups are hesitant to entertain family friendly ritual at all for fear of being lumped into a folkish category. This is highly problematic, since most religions are inclusive to families. This leads right into our next issue.
The religious backgrounds of most of the heathen demographic have shaped their perceptions of family and religion. Many heathens grew up in a landscape where religion was forced upon them, and are hesitant to allow that to happen to the next generation.
There are also some concerns that may be raised about avoiding some of the downfalls of religion on the lives of children that go beyond the spiritual. We have to remember that not all adults are good people. This happens across all demographics of people, of course, but it seems religion allows a unique opportunity for seemingly trusted adults to act heinously when put into a position of trust.
With all of these concerns in mind a parent needs to make informed decisions about their child and how to best approach their spiritual development. Now this decision is going to play out differently in every family. Some families both parents will be heathen, and other families might be interfaith, and of course there are many single parent families or other dynamics at play. These all will affect what is right for any individual family when raising children.
Most families are going to at least introduce heathenry at the hearth level. The children will likely be engaged with your ancestral practice. This seems like a very easy way for children to participate and meaningfully learn about your family and your traditions at home. Likewise, engaging the spirits of place is something that almost comes naturally to children. And of course, Norse Mythology makes good bedtime stories… or at least most of it. Some of it is definitely PG.
Beyond this variation will occur by family. Many pagan and heathen parents may introduce the gods to the children through ritual, and allow children to help choose some items placed on the family altar. Some parents may even allow children to set up their own altars in their rooms. It depends a lot also on what your intention is for your child’s spiritual education. Some parents will want to introduce heathenry specifically to their children, but others may be choosing to present options to their child, so that they may choose their own path when they are ready. These choices will inform how a child participates in your practice.
When it comes to ritual at the community level the dynamics get even more complicated. It can be a challenge to figure out what ritual aspects your child should be involved in and at what age it is appropriate for them to start participating. This is fairly dependent on the child, since each child is an individual. A key factor to whether your child is ready for community ritual has to do with their interest level. A child is more likely to regulate themselves if they want to be there and are engaged.
There is a very real possibility that not everyone in your community will be used to a child participating in ritual, and it may not be an easy transition. However, making family friendly rituals can benefit all parties. Having children attend rituals teaches adults patience. Things might not go 100% smoothly, but everyone will be learning. It will make it easier to stay next time there is a public ritual and some clueless newbie does something outside the parameters laid down for the ritual. Children want to learn and grow, and are naturally curious. They can learn quickly when good examples are set. This doesn’t mean there won’t be mistakes, excited talking when silence is expected, or even the occasional breakdown.
Including children in ritual should be possible for families, but setting down some guidelines for how that will appear within a tribe is reasonable. How old should children be to attend? Which rituals are family-friendly and which ones are adults only? How old does a child need to be to attend ritual without a parent present? What roles may the child participate in within the ritual, and does this vary with age or maturity? How much voice does a child have within a tribe? These questions, and likely others, require a great deal of thought and discussion. Some tribes may choose to leave participation level entirely up to the parent’s discretion, others may have clear parameters. Some may not want children to participate at all, but if that is the case you may want to take a long hard look at that tribe. Not all individuals like children or have patience for them, but if there is a whole tribe with that attitude you want to be sure it aligns with your own values if you are going to be sticking around. For me that would be a huge red flag. 44% of heathens who responded to the 2016 survey by Huginn’s Hof had children. Where are these families in group practice? They seem under-represented. We need to be mindful of the inclusivity of our groups to heathen families.
Parents need to be mindful also. They are responsible for their child when attending ritual and during any socializing after ritual. They should not expect other adults to watch their children or hold their children, unless the community has a number of families and there is some sort of arrangement to that effect. And parents need to set down very clear boundaries as to acceptable behaviours at events. That doesn’t mean things will always go smoothly, but having expectations and consequences clearly laid out in advance will minimize any potential problems.
Most importantly parents need to be mindful of the needs and wants of their child. Does the child want to participate in ritual? Does the child want to participate in heathenry? It is natural for children to want to explore other paths, especially when the majority of their peers aren’t going to be heathen. Parents need to nurture children gently and allow this exploration to happen. It will definitely be difficult for many parents to see children exploring religions that the parents themselves may have bad memories of, but this is where we have the advantage as heathens. We know about other religions and have likely participated in some of them. We can help our children understand differences in worldviews and differences in practices. We can help them navigate the same paths we struggled to discover for ourselves, and we can encourage them to think critically and do their homework, no matter what path they decide to pursue.
Further Reading:
(Most of my sources were the same as Part 1, but there are a few more.)
Sheathenry: Ritual Practices of Modern Heathen Women by Alvilldr in fagra
“World Wide Heathenry”
http://www.heathenhof.com/world-wide-heathenry/
Photo Source:
Bland Tomtar och Troll, illustration by John Bauer 1907
